The Truth About Relocation
Is the grass really greener on the other side?
Recently, a viewer on our YouTube channel asked me to do a video about what relocation is really like. Is the grass truly greener on the other side? What is it actually like to emigrate to a new country? Physically, emotionally, and psychologically?
Oftentimes, we promote the positive parts of our lives in public, but it doesn’t paint an accurate picture. So here, I will share my thoughts on what it’s really been like for me and my family.
It’s been about eleven months since we started our relocation journey, plus years of decision making and planning, which you can read about here.
It’s been six months since we have been living here full time, in our home, with no returns to Canada.
Do I have any regrets? Any desire to go back?
While we were actively relocating, we bounced back and forth between Canada and Mexico three times. During our last stretch in Canada, we emptied out the contents of our house and drove to Quebec, where we lived in my in-laws’ RV, in my brother-in-law’s driveway, for almost two months.
That time was challenging because of the lack of space and privacy, but also because staying with family let us know who we would be leaving behind, and what we would be missing. We loved being with them, and that time together fortified our bonds. Our son is extremely close with his cousins, and as an only child especially, they are like siblings to him— he refers to them as his brothers.
We spent time with old friends and my family too, and it was bittersweet since I knew we would no longer be just a drive away. So there was definitely grief involved when we packed up our SUV and made the long drive to Mexico, to go to our new home.
I made this little video for my son, while back in Mexico in the midst of my own relocation grief:
Sometimes the best memories
Are not the big moments that clearly mark your mind
But the fleeting moments, the mundane
With people you love
The memories you seldomly think about
But every so often you get a flash in your mind
Of a laugh, of a smile
Of a hand holding yours
Of eyes looking at you and really knowing you
Really getting you
Really seeing you
And remembering that moment
Brings you back to the way you felt
Happy, whole, connected
Loved
If you ever feel lonely
Just remember those little moments
Faces and voices and sounds
And remember
That home is not just a location
It’s not a house or a place
A country or a city
But a space in your heart
Where everyone you love
Lives within you
And you
Live within them too
Those relocation blues were something I allowed myself to feel. But it wasn’t just relocation blues— it was complex feelings I had come to face about my past, my childhood, my hometown, and my old home I had visited while back in Quebec before the big move.
All of the exhilaration, planning, travelling, and physical labour, like renovating the house and packing everything up, finally comes to an end when you arrive in your new country. The movement stops, and you are left to sit with yourself, in a new country, and take it all in.
Your idea is no longer an idea, your dream is manifest. It’s nice to dream about a life somewhere far away, but to make it a reality you have to be truly committed— and a non-conformist. You now have to deal with the consequences of your decision.
You may deal with moments of doubt, but if the decision was the right one, they won’t last long. That was certainly the case for me. We hibernated for the first few weeks, exhausted from the months before and the drive. Sustained isolation will break you though— you have to get out, get moving, and explore.
And that’s what we did. Mexico has a wonderfully social culture. Its people are welcoming. Strangers become acquaintances, and acquaintances become friends. There’s a lot going on, all the time. Within a few months, we had a much better social life than we ever did after living for four years in rural Ontario.
We made sure to go out often— for coffee, breakfast, walks, little adventures and mini road trips. The beginning is the time to take advantage of the dopamine hit that comes with novelty. It keeps you going, keeps you inspired, and ensures you won’t let existential doubts or depression intrude in your psyche.
In fact, this is something we still do. We built our new routine around doing new things, and going somewhere we’ve never been at least once a week. We have also found our go-to spots— restaurants, cafes, parks and shopping centres that are familiar.
In this new familiarity, sometimes a strange feeling would hit me in the first few months. It was kind of like deja-vu. I would suddenly stop in my tracks, look around, and feel like my environment was surreal. Like I had to pinch myself; I was actually here, in Mexico, living here. This was my new normal, so to speak.
I would have a similar feeling when I was flight attending years ago. I would be in a foreign country, look around, and have this kind of sensory experience that felt like my surroundings were not what they ought to be. Strange. It is hard to describe.
It’s like a sensory overload, maybe. Or something like it. But anyhow, this deja-vu feeling has now gone away, and I have become completely accustomed to seeing the colourful buildings, cathedrals, and cobblestone streets, instead of rolling hills, farmland, and Canadian houses.
“I had to pinch myself; I was actually here, in Mexico, living here. This was my new normal, so to speak.”
Being ‘somewhere else’ might feel different for you, depending on your life experiences. For my husband, a former pilot and avid traveler, and I, living in Mexico hasn’t really been this huge culture shock. We are used to feeling comfortable somewhere else, as we had done it for years.
Culture shock, I think, is very personal. Do you thrive in a place where you have to figure your way around a new landscape? Do you enjoy hearing and speaking a foreign tongue? Are your comfortable when facing new stimuli?
As an anglophone Montrealer, I grew up in a province where I was speaking my second language (French) every single day. I was used to having a different language spoken in the home and in public.
As a classically trained singer, I was blessed with the education of foreign tongues from a very young age. Incidentally I became a polyglot, and can pick up languages quickly. I already had some basic Spanish under my belt, and my fluency expanded very rapidly here. I truly enjoy the feeling and challenge of speaking another language, and adding to my literacy as I go.
However, this skill is not necessary to thrive. My husband had zero knowledge of Spanish when we arrived, and is now able to get by autonomously on all his daily commissions, and communicate with friends. Immersion is a very powerful force, but you have to have to motivation to learn as well.
As for our son, who is almost four years old, the first few weeks he expressed a longing to go back to the place he is born— or if not a longing, he spoke about his old home a lot. The transition into a whole new country and culture is not a small one, especially for a child. But once we started to make friends, visit new places, and experience a richer life in Mexico, he started to express the opposite— that he wanted to stay. He is now very happy here, and thriving.
Moving to Mexico was not just like starting a new life chapter. It’s writing a whole new novel. You have to be emotionally and mentally prepared for what that means.
For us, we had a bad taste in our mouths about Canada for many years. We didn’t have a great quality of life since 2020, and imagined ourselves here instead. We were yearning for something different (and warm!). I suppose if you have a great life where you already live, a large social circle, close family ties that are part of your weekly life, and a job, home, and lifestyle that you love, you might not want to leave the place you’re at.
For us, we had experienced a lot of loss and hardship in the past few years, and so starting fresh was truly something we could appreciate. We are also the type of people who truly enjoy experiencing other cultures and places, and so we find adapting to Mexico to be quite natural.
And a major silver lining to living abroad is that you cherish your relationships so much more. I make more time for friends and family, phone calls and face times. When I think of someone, I just call them or write them a message. I am more in touch with my loved ones now than when they were a few hours (or minutes) away.
Our relatives have come to visit twice already, and in the next few weeks, we will be spending the Christmas holidays with extended family in Mexico. I look forward to showing our families around, sharing our discoveries with them, and simply spending time with them here.
Mexico has changed us. It will continue to change us. I remember one of our neighbours, a lovely elderly man named Bob, told us that the next time he saw us, he wouldn’t recognize us. He had the wisdom to know that living in a different culture, speaking a different tongue, and embracing a new lifestyle will affect your personality.
This magnitude of change is not for everybody. The choice is so individual— some people prefer to stay in their hometown forever, some cross state lines, and some cross borders. Nearly 100 years ago, my great-grandparents fled the Soviet Union to Canada, and never looked back. Perhaps there’s an epigenetic influence for me; I do not feel a great sense of loss over the country I left behind; only the people. I believe that the glory days of my childhood in Canada are now unachievable for my own son. Canada is a nation in decline. Any nostalgia I have for the lazy summer days at my family’s cottage in Quebec are fond memories, but I am looking ahead, trying to find magic here for our family.
No regrets. No desire to go back to Canada. Mexico, for us, is our land of opportunity, where we are dreaming new dreams, reinventing ourselves, and creating the life we want.
And so if Mexico is our land of opportunity, at least for now, the grass is greener on the other side.
Hasta Luego!
We specialize in custom trips to Puebla. As a former flight attendant/pilot duo, we will help you organize your itinerary from flights, buses, Ubers, AirBnbs to local hot spots such as restaurants, cafes, coworking spaces, and more, based on your unique needs.
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Mexico looks good on you!
Thanks so much for this follow-up, Kate. Fellow Canadian here looking to relocate away from our dying? disastrous? country, and Mexico certainly has a place high on my list of possibilities.